If I'm being totally transparent, this time last year I was getting a little discouraged. Trevor and I knew we wanted to start a family and we had been trying for a little while - now, my "little while" is probably a bit exaggerated now looking back, but when you are in the middle of the storm (or the middle of trying to get pregnant), every month feels like an eternity. Trevor and I had been trying for a few months at this point because I wanted to time everything where I could have a baby in March/April/May, have the end of the school year off and all of summer off and then go back to school in August and feel like I had an adequate amount of time home with baby. Well, God had other plans for me. During these months of trying to get pregnant, me and God spent a LOT of time together. (Why don't I always pray as hard as I did during this time or spend that much time with him! ...that's a topic for another day!) I was discouraged and I felt like God was not answering my prayers. I felt like he was ignoring me. I was confused because it says children are a blessing...so why wasn't I receiving this blessing. I'll never know the real answer as to why my prayers weren't answered in MY timing, but I'm guessing it was because God was tired of hearing me talk and he wanted me to LISTEN! And he knew the only way I would listen is if my plans didn't go exactly how I wanted. He knew I would push in harder to him if I had to struggle. So there I was, struggling and pushing in harder, praying harder, listening harder than I probably ever have...exactly where God wanted me! The moment---I'm telling you---the moment I gave up control, that's when we were pregnant! The moment I surrendered it to God, we got pregnant. It was definitely NOT my timing, but it was perfect timing. **This weeks message at Life.Church was about giving up control and it got me thinking about this situation and I thought I would share! :) I'm sure this is not the only time God will have to teach me this lesson!
Here's why it wasn't MY timing:
*Oklahoma weather is HOT in the summer. I did not really care to be pregnant in the dead of summer because who wants to be huge when it's 101 degrees outside! Wow, how vain of me!
*I knew if I got pregnant after August/September then my plan wouldn't work of having a few weeks off at the end of the school year and all summer of being home with baby to feel confident to go back to work in August. Hence why October I gave up! I gave it to God because my plan wasn't working!
Here is why God's timing was perfect:
*While praying to get pregnant, I made the silly request to God to let us have a boy first. Not because it's what I wanted, but I knew Trevor REALLY wanted a boy, so I prayed for that for Trevor. I am convinced that if we got pregnant in previous months it would have been a girl and God really wanted to answer this prayer for me.
*If he was born in March he would share the month with me, if he was born in April he would share the month with Trevor and my brother, if he was born in May he would share the month with my dad, if he was born in June he would share the month with 2 of his cousins, so July was PERFECT timing! I'm sure that God really didn't care about this reason at all, but I thought it was neat! :)
*God had other plans for my life. He did not want me to go back to teaching and this was one of his ways of revealing this to me. I really prayed hard about this decision and logically just had to make a choice. Lately, with all the back-to-school stuff coming out, those emotions kind of came flooding back and I recently received an overwhelming peace about my decision to stay home. Looking back, he told me this several times, but I wasn't listening. Surprise, surprise.
*Since I'm not over booking myself, I get to be the wife and mom that God intended me to be. I get to continue doing what I am passionate about and that is, lead worship at Life.Church. AND I get to help Trevor with Armor Accounting! Husband and wife duo! :)
Teachers: I am praying hard for you today! There is nothing like a first impression and that first day. I am praying that you have students that walk into your classroom with a willingness to learn. I pray that you have a mindset that this is going to be the best school year yet. I pray that you try some crazy lesson plans this year that will be successful...it's okay if they fail too! That's usually when the kids remember stuff! :) I pray that you make a difference in the lives of your students! I pray the students know how lucky they are to have YOU as their teacher!
PS- I know that many people do not have the option to stay home with their babies and I don't take that for granted! It is definitely a life change for our family, not only the fact of having a baby, but financially as well. I am counting my blessings every day that I get to do this!
GOOD LUCK TODAY!!!! Brooks and I are thinking about you!!!