I've had to answer the question of why a lot, so I decided to write about it out along with the other details of that week.
I had some complications after Holland was born. Nothing too severe, but enough to know that something was wrong when I went in for my 6 week appointment. I had called them the week before my appointment and everything I described wasn't too out of the ordinary, so they just said to wait until my 6 week appointment to come in. So I did. When I went in for my 6 week appointment my doctor actually had to run over to the hospital right before my appointment to deliver a baby so they asked if I could reschedule and I said no! I usually am a push over with these things, but I really felt like I needed to see someone. Thank goodness I called the week before because I think they took me serious when I said I needed to see someone today. So they told me to go ahead and get an ultrasound while we wait for my dr to come back, that way they could see if there was something going on. I knew right away from the ultrasound technician's face that all was not well. I asked her and she somewhat gave a round about answer, which is never good either. Haha! Basically she found a large mass in my uterus. Once my dr came back and saw what was going on, she rushed me over to St John right then and did an emergency D and C. It wasn't what she was expecting, so after doing that 3 times, they ended up having to cut part of the mass off to send off for biopsy.
I have never had anesthesia where they totally knock you out, so that was fun! Plus, I somehow flew under the radar on having to get a COVID test before Holland was born, but I had to get one for surgery, so that hurt! Haha! I was not prepared for that, and that was probably a good thing. Ouch! The girl that did it basically walked in and said, "you aren't going to like me." Haha! I assured her after that I had nothing against her and that I felt bad for her having to give that test so many times a day! I'm sure that's not the most fun job in the world.
A few day later the results came back and basically my only option was to have a partial hysterectomy. It was an easy decision and a hard decision all at the same time. It was an easy decision because it was basically our only option for a desired outcome. But it was a hard decision because I can't say I was 100% done having kids. I think we were done, but when your baby is such a great baby, it honestly gives you baby fever! Haha! Holland is such a great baby, already sleeping through the night, not really fussy, I just wasn't to the point of saying we're done. I also didn't really have the desire to be pregnant again, but I just wasn't ready for that decision quite yet. However, that's what we were faced with, so I think I knew with a little prayer, I'd be okay. So we got the appointment scheduled for July 1st. I wasn't too happy about that date because it is Brooks's birthday, but when you are working with a doctor's schedule, you don't have much say in the matter. Haha! We decided to have Brooks's birthday the day before (what kid doesn't like to celebrate early?)
I truly felt completely surrounded by God through this whole thing. I was CRAZY BUSY with work the weeks leading up to the surgery. Like, more busy than I've ever been. Plus, we were having some work done on our house, so it was just a mad house at our house for awhile. It was honestly probably a good thing because I didn't have much time to sit and think about the surgery. There were some other crazy coincidences that happened the week leading up to the surgery that now looking back, I know I had a guardian angel. Seriously, I was so protected the days leading up to this surgery. I also had to have a SECOND COVID test! I swear the second one was worse because I had days to think about how awful it was going to be and too much time to think about it. Thankfully Trevor drove me to that one because my eyes wouldn't stop watering after. It seemed way worse than the first one. I was also a little sour about it because like I said before, I was feeling lucky that I never had to have it before Holland was born, and now I've had to have it twice!
The morning of the surgery we got to the hospital and I was scared. I wasn't sure if we made the right decision, I was starting to feel rushed into the decision, I was just letting all these thoughts creep in my head. (See why being busy was a good thing for me?) I was praying before the surgery and when I jumped on Instagram to kind of keep my mind off things, the first post was from my cousin that had an image that said "you are exactly where you are supposed to be." It was like the post was for me...it wasn't...but it was exactly what I needed to see at the perfect moment.
I don't remember much from the day. I remember being asked a ton of questions, I remember them asking me to write in my own words what they were doing to me (I think all I wrote was "no more babies") I remember being wheeled back for surgery, saying goodbye to Trevor, I remember the operating room and the anesthesiologist talking to me and then out!
After that I remember waking up in SO MUCH PAIN! I swear I said the words out loud multiple times and the nurses just kept saying "yeah, that's to be expected." I have no idea if any of that is true, but in my foggy memory, that's what I remember. They eventually wheeled me into my recovery room and I remember Trevor being there and I couldn't stop crying. Like hysterically crying. I have no idea if it was because of pain, because of being a little scared, because of the situation. I'm really not sure. I think it was because of pain, but I'm now questioning it. I do remember Trevor asking if there was anything he could do, but I don't think there was anything he could do in that moment. I was in an out of sleep that whole day. At one point Trevor and I were talking and then I was out. I literally fell asleep on him mid conversation. Poor guy!
The rest of the hospital stay was a bit of a blur. I was in and out of sleep a lot. I feel like the nurses came in every hour to check my blood pressure. Once they took the catheter out I drank a TON of water because they said once I was able to go to the bathroom I could leave and I was anxious to get home and see my babies! Everything went pretty smooth with discharge and then there was the ride home! We were in Trevor's truck so I was struggling to even get in the truck and then the ride home was brutal, but so worth it to see Holland and the boys!
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